Dear Dps,

I get it that you have worked so hard to get your gear up and buff your new found gear score up to the highest nominal value you can. I understand that you are a face melting caster that wants to be at the top of your recount in every encounter. I think it’s great that you are an overachiever; this game needs many more of them. But come on, we are in heroic UK, not ICC, not ToC, and not Ulduar. I am not pulling Patchwerk, I am pulling 6 mobs…  I just got all of my T-9 set and wasn’t wasting the money on Epic gems that I will trash when I get my T-10. I know how to tank very well and I am fully aware of threat/ aggro management. I see that caster over there just fine he is pew pewing me as long as he is not touched. I am tabbing through the 5 others and spreading out the threat so you can unleash hell on them. Just do me a favor….. NOT IN THE FIRST 2 SECONDS OF THE PULL!!  Why it is so important to your ego that you have to pull 5k dps in Heroic UK. This run is only going to go as fast as the healer and I pace it anyway.  So sit back and enjoy the ride I will wake you up when we get there.

Do you have Omen? If not you are an idiot… It’s great that you picked the stand still and face roll class of this game and that you can come up with witty things to say like “WTB Aggro for Tank” or “I will just shot with a wand”.  Play with your brain and not you face and keyboard. If you give me time to get good threat and then when I have it, Put your hands on your lap, lean back in your chair and slam your face as hard as you can on that keyboard and roll it side to side until you desk is saturated in drool for all I care. Those recount numbers that are up as high as you inflated ego. The ones you are going to die for. OH-NOOOO!!!! GUESS WHAT!? You just pulled these mobs off me and they are heading straight to you. By the way, you are wearing toilet paper these mobs are going to bend you over like a juvenile in federal prison. Remember those witty comments you made, those are keeping me from taunting those bulls away from you so enjoy. I am going to save the Divine Intervention for the healer because he understands that he rolled a class that has to play with his brain, and if it all hits the fan he is going to save me a long run back here. I got him covered.

Don’t get me wrong I have a lot of friends that play your same class. I just don’t think their dps is as high as yours because they have a very big and basketball shaped head that rolls perfectly across the keyboard. It’s because they know their job and can do it well. They understand that this is a Cooperative excursion into this instance. They have a Team mentality. That mob that the hunter pulled, I know it’s coming right back to me because he is was watching Omen and is misdirecting him as we speak. That mob that left me and was headed to the mage, no worries, she is freezing him in place right now and it will be there for us to deal with when we burn these down. 

What’s that? Oh yeah mobs aren’t supposed to get away from me. That’s right, tanks can’t make mistakes. That would be unacceptable. Almost as unacceptable as your stupid ass not noticing that you are standing in yet another colored, fiery, misty area that spawned right under your feet while your rolling your hollow melon head all over your keyboard and it kills you, right?

Don’t worry, I am not putting you on my ignore list. I hope to see again you soon….

Regards,   

Merkavah – Paladin Tank on Area 52 (US)